We remember our faults and keep them burned into our brains.

But we generally don’t remember when we have done well.

Living with regrets – with self-based criticism is an awful thing that can be reversed.

• For every fault you conjure up, balance it with a positive trait (i.e., “my boss tells me I don’t contribute enough” is balanced with “but I am dependable, reliable and work well with others”).
• Only you get direct access into your subconscious.  Even a compliment from another person should be directly delivered to your brain.  Only you get to record in the subconscious of your mind.  This helps prevent growing co-dependent to people who compliment you one minute, take it away another and make you crave their approval to get it back.
• Forgive yourself for not being perfect and join all the rest of the people in the world.  Perfectionism is a great and useful goal but it is a guaranteed path to unhappiness initiated by you.
• Get off your own back.  Forgive, love and protect yourself.

Self-love can never come from another person.

At most they can affirm positive things about you.

Only we can attain self-love.

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Nothing kills relationships more than jealousy.

It’s a roadblock to career advancement.

A detriment to intimate personal relationships.

Haters exhibit jealousy often in a more public way through social media and interaction.

The best defense that strikes at the heart of haters is:

• It’s about them, not you.  Key on that thought when faced with a hater.
• Don’t fight back – that’s what haters want.  Refuse to engage them.  If you fight back, you risk becoming a hater, too.
• Be cool.  Showing hurt or other emotions is what haters live for.  And that’s a tough assignment especially when haters are hating in social media.  Keep your hurt private but find a true friend to help you express your feelings.
• Respond with your strengths.  True self-confidence comes as a suit of armor.  Put your best traits forward not insecurities and imperfections.
• Haters gonna hate.  They won’t go away.  Live in their world by ignoring them and stick to your strengths.

Ted Kennedy was a polarizing political figure.  But he was genial to everyone even his enemies.  Who knows how he really felt inside but on the outside he waved, smiled and lived the life he wanted to live.

Haters know you don’t like them but they also need to know that you’re not about to let it bother you.

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Maybe you’re around people you wish were somehow different.

You may remember your spouse in a different way than you see them today. Or hope that an employer or associate could have better people skills. Your children may be getting older and you don’t recognize their behavior as they mature.

Try to change a person and you attack their self-esteem.

They dig in and become more stubborn.

In other words you have zero chance of getting them to change the way you want them to.

Only they can change if they want to.

In the meantime work on changing you.

Others will feel more open to change when you can help make them feel good about themselves.

There is no choice but to accept others just the way they are – who knew, Mister Rogers was correct.

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Controllers are often perfectionists with anxiety issues.

They have to have it their way.

The truth about control freaks is that in a sense we all have control issues.  Who doesn’t want to get their way as often as possible?

When living with a strong personality who pushes and bullies their will onto you, the answer is often as simple as this.

Picture yourself carrying a deck of cards and one of them has NO written on it.

Play the NO card every time someone tries to will their way onto you.

When they try again and again (and they probably will), say NO again and again.

No control freak can have their way with us unless we allow it and one of the most effective ways to neutralize them is to play the NO card.

Then for the control freak in all of us remember that the best way to gain control is to give up control.

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When I was in college, my best buddy in the broadcasting program and I decided to pitch small, local stations on a show that featured both of us as a team.

One day, from a phone booth at school, my friend contacted the program director of a small suburban radio station (with me by his side) and I plainly heard him say, “Jerry and I want to do a show for your station”.

The program director told him, “I don’t need two djs doing a show. I need one part-timer for the weekends”.

My friend took the job right there and then without even consulting me.

I was shocked, hurt and disappointed.

But I learned a lesson.

Friends who are selfish will regret their selfishness.

He took the weekend job for minimum wage in a radio station that was dumpier than a gas station.

I continued to look for work.

We remained friends but things were never the same.

Then, I made a call to a local TV station by myself and got hired as a booth announcer for more money than I ever made in my life up to that point.

The one thing I never forget is that if my friend had not sold me down the river, we would still be shopping that ill-fated show and I would have missed my opportunity to make the phone call that eventually got me a job in a market television station.

Out of bad comes good.

When friends disappoint, rise above it because you may find a greater reward without them.

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“I’ll never find another guy like that again”.

“He was a tough boss and I let him down – there goes my best job ever”.

“I have lost the best friend I ever had”.

Stop!

Try these.

“He was rude and not that good looking”.

“Good job, lousy boss.  Good riddance”.

“My friend turned on me, but I will be a good friend to someone else”.  

Glamorizing people who hurt us distorts the relationship and makes us reward bad behavior.

Be fair when assessing the positive traits of another, but don’t put someone who hurts you on a pedestal.

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I used to go to bed after days I’d like to forget.

Of course, that doesn’t solve the problem but gets us ready to attack it the next day.

• All disappointment is temporary.  True, it hurts – sometimes very deeply.  But disappointment will eventually turn into good fortune.
• Isolate what is really disappointing you.  This can be a revelation because often what disappoints us is not what we think it is.
• Focus on others not yourself.  It is impossible to feel badly when we concentrate our attention on others.
• Don’t take it personally.  You didn’t “deserve it”. You didn’t “ask for it”.  It’s not that you’re “not good enough”.  Taking things personally makes it difficult to get to what is really eating us.

Keep expectations low and motivation high to never be disappointed.

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Why do we let people lure us into skirmishes that drag us away from the person we want to be?

Winning the battle is not winning the war.

If you spend more time getting someone back for what they did to you, you lose the war and stand a good chance of losing the battle they picked with you.

And there are likely to be more meaningless but emotional fights.

To win more and lose less, ask yourself – what is my goal?

And if you decide that your goal is to be the fine person you are, a good spouse, a loving parent or a loyal friend, let no person distract you.

Remove the imaginary button that many of us wear that says, “Push” to force us to react instead of respond.

Winning doesn’t mean besting another person.

It doesn’t mean beating someone out of a job, a promotion, or a compliment.

It means staying the course that constantly asks you “What type of a person do you want to be?” and then let no one deter you.

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It is common today to see parents tell their children that when they lose at, say, sports, they actually win.

This is not quite the message we want to convey.

Perhaps you work with people who have a high estimation of themselves just because they show up.

Last week, NFL Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker James Harrison made headlines when he said that the trophies his sons received for simply participating would be returned.

Here’s Harrison’s reaction via Instagram:

“I came home to find out that my boys received two trophies for nothing, participation trophies! While I am very proud of my boys for everything they do and will encourage them till the day I die, these trophies will be given back until they EARN a real trophy. I’m sorry I’m not sorry for believing that everything in life should be earned and I’m not about to raise two boys to be men by making them believe that they are entitled to something just because they tried their best…cause sometimes your best is not enough, and that should drive you to want to do better…not cry and whine until somebody gives you something to shut u up and keep you happy. #harrisonfamilyvalues”

What often gets lost is that there is meaning in losing – falling short of our goals.

Losing helps us discover how badly we want really something (or not).

Losing teaches us lessons that can eventually help us to win.

Whether on the field, in the classroom or office, falling short of our goals can be transformational.

We win when we don’t give up.

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He’s 90.

He’s done more since being president of the United States than most people do in their entire lives: books, poetry, The Carter Center, monitoring elections in third world nations to ensure that they are helped honestly.

But it is the way Jimmy Carter is dealing with his mortality that touches me.

In good humor, he goes before cameras and talks about how his melanoma has spread to his brain, his reaction (more accepting then he thought), the optimism of a new chemotherapy treatment and this …

I’m ready for my next adventure — whatever that is.

Carter is scheduled to go to Nepal in a few months if he is able. He has cut back his schedule but hasn’t thrown it away.

He’s at peace with death because he intends to live every moment of his life.

And that is the gift Jimmy Carter reminds us of.

When we are afraid to live life, we run the risk of losing life.

There are a lot of things we cannot control but one of them is to live each day as if it is your last.

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