The more you make people like you the more you won’t like yourself.
Some are gifted at being ingratiating.
Some avoid disagreements and confrontations.
Some use power or money to gain approval of others.
When you worry more about liking who you truly are, the more people are attracted to you.
It takes about 23 minutes to return to an original task once work is interrupted by a digital distraction.
We let others know we’re working every time we send an email or message, take care to send it when both parties are likely to be available
Use social media to let people know when you are taking time off and when you’ll be back on the grid
Working from home may require setting an alarm to go off at the end of your work day so that you can leave the work behind physically and mentally (from Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked by NYU marketing professor Adam Alter)
Take a day off from being connected
No one who ever took a day of rest regretted it – do it more often.
Michael Jordan thought of himself as a failure in many ways.
Missed over 9,000 shots.
Blown over 20 “game winning” shots.
Everyone obsesses about the negatives even when there are so many positives.
Take personal credit for something well done to balance thinking about shortcomings
Use what you consider “failures” to think about what to do next time
Then let go of mistakes and focus on doing your best
Ever notice when someone whispers, we lean in to hear them?
Volume has little to do with being heard.
Listeners remember only approximately 30% of what they hear on the radio and 50% of what they see and hear on TV – at best – even when THEY control the volume.
There is a better way to be heard.
Speak from conviction.
Show empathy toward others in your comments
Something interesting needs no amplification
Use examples that include action verbs and colorful words.
Passion comes from the heart not from the lungs – nobody can resist a whisper.
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They say a great hockey goaltender is the athlete who can forget about being scored upon immediately after it happens.
But that’s not how most of us recover from a series of setbacks that can ruin a day – we often let disturbing things marinate in our heads.
Cultivate a short memory for things that irritate
Focus on someone else – helping, talking or even just listening
We “restart” many times a day on our digital devices, don’t we deserve at least one restart when we’re having a challenging day.
If all else fails, write your top 3 irritating problems out and if that doesn’t do it remember that when people are asked to trade their problems for someone else’s they always prefer their own.
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Most people are not motivated to give us what we want which is why so much time and effort is spent on convincing others.
The sure way to get what you want is to give the other person something that they want, too.
They’ll tell you if you ask.
They’ll likely do it if you can say it back to them.
Getting what you want is a trade-off not a demand.
Question: what would you give to get what you want?
Prevailing without giving something important to the other person is an exercise in futility – waste of time, money and damaging to relationships.
What are you willing to do to get what you want without being insincere and manipulative – that is the essence of getting to yes.
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We pick up a lot of negativity from other people’s actions and words.
And when something goes wrong we often blame ourselves.
The trick is to fix it before the damage is done.
Assume you have what it takes
Bet on you — you can’t begin to ask others to believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself
No one is 100% sure of anything – it’s faith that gets you closer
For every doubt, add two positive thoughts
For every doubter in your life, add a believer
Doubt is self-sabotage – why do that to yourself?
Avoid helping doubters in your life make one out of you
Don’t look to others, look within you to overcome doubt
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The thing no one ever talks about is that we acquire worries and rarely let them go.
Once we accept them, we add them to a collection of previous fears that have not been resolved.
My mother was like that.
I can never remember her letting go of a worry to replace it with a new one – she kept them all.
And today we have a mental health crisis especially among young people under 25 who are connected constantly.
The human brain was designed to be on edge for survival of our cave dwelling predecessors fearing their safety not 24/7 social connection.
Constant stimulation overload takes its toll slowly because fears keep piling on top of each other.
41% of adults say they have more anxiety today than they did in the early days of the pandemic.
Half say they will never fully recover from it even after it’s over.
Fear is useless – trust yourself to discard things that make you anxious.
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The more we focus on ourselves and our needs, the more stressed we become — isn’t that interesting?
The reason anxiety and depression are exponentially growing is that we’re faced with more problems, trying hard to deal with them and not being able to limit the number of concerns we have at any given time.
It is why Dale Carnegie warned us to talk in terms of the other person’s interests, ask questions rather than make statements and learn to become a good listener.
Even though he taught public speaking, happiness was a focus of not talking about yourself.
Have you seen In Treatment on HBO?
Compelling half hour shows about people who are essentially in a therapy session – it’s a hit perhaps because we love to talk about our problems.
You’ll never hear anyone thinking of others, focus on the needs of someone other than themselves or become skilled at using their ears more than their mouth.
Step one is get the focus off you and direct it to others to start feeling less overwhelmed.
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Nobel Laureate Daniel Kahneman wants you to check these three things off before you listen to your gut feeling:
That’s 3 yeses to reassure yourself that your gut feeling is more than a reckless impulse.
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