No one ever suffered from not getting their way – often, it leads to better things and sometimes by letting go, it comes to you.

So how do we get there?

1. Choose a day and try to give up having it your way as many times as possible – you have ultimate control of the situations, just look for opportunities to see what happens.
2. No quid pro quos – don’t give something up as part of a deal to get something else because this is all about letting go of having to have so many things your way.
3. Observe how happy you can make others and how powerful you actually feel once you make the decision on what to give up.

Not getting everything you want doesn’t mean not getting anything you want —  it actually helps you focus on what’s important.

You don’t get power by taking it from others.

You give them power as tough as that may sometimes be.

The person who can make others feel empowered is the one who is truly empowered.

A friend of mine sent me a link to a meditation site that included a great quote on the awesome power of listening.

The quieter you become, the more you can hear – Ram Dass

In the context of meditation, it is the sixth sense that comes from listening to yourself.

It can also apply to interpersonal relationships.

The more you open your mind to what others are saying, the more you can make an authentic response.

Before getting out of bed every morning, think of three people who love you.

Then, three things you are most grateful for.

When you are with others, smile at the next 20 people you see without saying another word (you will change your mood and bring out the friendliness in them).

Once a day do something totally different even if it is just taking a new way home in spite of what Google Maps tells you.

When away from loved ones even for just hours, greet them as if you were away from them for weeks when you return – their response will make it worth doing again and again.

Love your phone, but put it out of sight when you’re with someone in person you love more (research shows even when a phone is put aside, we’ll keep checking it).

Everyone has what it takes to become a more confident person – it’s just that some people instinctively know how to unleash it.

It doesn’t take a lecture or a TED video to be more assertive – confident people speak up instead of overthinking it.

Becoming a leader isn’t complicated, but it does take vowing to be that leader.

One of my NYU students recently spoke of how much they wanted to lead a class group project and by the time the groups were formed, had the look and desire that made them the unanimous choice.

Wishing won’t do it, acting will.

According to studies, employees who take the benefit of unlimited vacation tend to take less time off  — two fewer days on average according to a Namely study quoted in a recent New York Times article.

Employers that allow workers to take as many days off as they want usually don’t have to pay for vacation days employees don’t use.

Some companies like Netflix and LinkedIn are among those that actually want their employees to have more of a work/life balance.

Even without employers looking for either a hiring tool or a way to legitimately keep their people healthy, the goal is more work/life balance are the best benefits.

“There’s no such thing as work-life balance. There are work-life choices, and you make them, and they have consequences.” – Jack Welch.

Animated motivation is the secret to winning enthusiastic cooperation.

Those who are animated visually, expressively and vocally are hard to resist.

When first meeting people, do they see the enthusiastic you or you-at-rest?

Can they feel your energy or are you holding it back (or can’t find it)?

The first day of classes at NYU, I try to be ani-motivated so my students who are trying to figure me out leave saying this guy really wants to be with us.

It’s in all of us – hit the button and go.

Shakespeare put it better:  “Assume a virtue if you have it not”.

Hamlet didn’t mean pretend, he meant find the virtue and make it yours by adoption if nothing else.

And as with most things in life, adoption is 9/10^th of becoming a better person as opposed to waiting until you feel confidence.

Action precedes confidence.

Allowing others to pass judgment on you is convicting yourself voluntarily for what they have done wrong.

Judging is useless.

All of us retain the right to be the judge, jury and executioner in our own lives!

We decide and we carry out what we think is in our best interest and then execute it.

The way to stop allowing others to judge you is by cultivating the confidence to take your own advice and do the best that you can — not waiting for others to render an opinion they have no right to make.

Ted Lasso (Jason Sudeikis’ motivational character in the hit Apple TV series of the same name) is famous for saying:

“You know what the happiest animal on earth is?  It’s a goldfish. Y’know why?  It’s got a ten-second memory.  Be a goldfish.”

Forget failure – it’s temporary anyway.  Why hold on to negative self-destructive thoughts when you can refocus on positive ones?

Filmmaker and writer Marlowe Granados (interviewed in Town & Country) says “While the 1960s brought us the exhortation to “turn on, tune in, and drop out” the motto of the roaring 2020s may very well be” “slow down, log off, opt out”.

One of the things we are discovering most since the pandemic started winding down is the need for planned, structured and positive relaxation routines – getting the most out of downtime.

Purposeful relaxation is in your hands – being in the moment, connecting the mind and body and that’s different from bingeing on Netflix, playing video games or taking a nap.

Turn off autopilot, enter the here and now.

Postpone working your to-do list until after you relax as opposed to worrying about it when you’re trying to focus on downtime.

Talk to others 100% focused on them.

Sense your surroundings and enjoy the sensations that have been taken for granted.

Life is tough and rest is necessary but purposeful relaxation is totally in your control.

The best way to gauge whether you had a happy and successful Memorial Day weekend holiday is by the number of minutes you did not spend on mobile devices and in the black hole of social media.

Initiate something new – anything big or small.

Hang with someone different.

Reconnect with nature and those around you face to face.

Spending a holiday weekend without changing your routine is a missed opportunity to discover a new one.

A little infant in our arms brings out the wonder and inhibition of being a child even to the most dignified person.

After all, they are born happy until the real world somehow makes them sadder.

One of many gifts we get from the young is to treat other people in our lives with the animation, smile, laugh and love that is so easy to give a newborn or toddler.

Be the one to light up the face of others and you’ll see (and feel) the difference immediately.

One of my readers, Frank Somma says he gave a personal mission seminar at Collier school in Morganville NJ which is a special school for high school sophomore and juniors  with emotional difficulties – he was talking about the idea of the voice in your head being too harsh.

There was a girl in the seminar all dressed in black with her hood up and face down.

She didn’t appear to be paying attention at all.

At the end of the seminar, she shyly handed Frank a note and left.

When he read it, it said:

 “If you spoke to your friends the way you speak to yourself you would have no friends“.

Be nice to yourself.

A new study shows the average person feels good half the tine  – 2,000 adults polled recently in the UK say they only feel good mentally and physically 47% of the time.

Anxiety and exhaustion are among the culprits.

One in four say they feel anxious once a week.

Only 57% say they rarely feel at the “top of their game”.

Two-thirds are alright with suffering through the bad days, hoping for a better tomorrow.

Improving the chance for feeling better starts with making it a number one priority even over work, taking control of digital devices, social media and the scrolling black hole of apps and the internet.

Studies show it is possible to retrain the brain so consciously working for happier outcomes can become a healthy habit.

Followers will never become leaders.

Leaders will never become followers.

If you can stand the discomfort of being out ahead of the pack, followers will always follow you.

Criticizing yourself with or without the help of others demoralizes, hurts and does nothing to make anything better.

It’s impossible to stop others from criticizing us but we can certainly take a vow to have nothing to do with putting ourselves down.

If we can’t believe in ourselves the way we are and as hard as we try, how can we ask others to?

It’s not just the right emoji or a lot of words, it’s a feeling backed up by evidence.

This is the great and often unseen advantage of texting beyond chatting.

Giving thanks, showing gratitude with evidence to back it up can be a powerful phrase.

Texting unexpected gratitude is the perfect message.

Since the great reawakening, people are rushing to get back to full speed – sometimes at intersections or cutting folks off on the freeways and turnpikes.

That’s not the only thing we’re blowing through.

Increasing anxiety by not savoring our return to freedom by living in an accelerated state.

Some students don’t want to return to in person classes so they can watch the lectures at 2x or 3x the speed – skip the boring parts and hurry up and learn.

It’s not how much or how fast, it’s about now.