There are different ways to handle this in the age of attention deficit and digital distractions.

When texting, one thought per text. 

When emailing, any more than one thought, they should be numbered.  No paragraph bigger than one sentence if possible.   

To be effective, appeal to the other person’s self-absorption to gain their attention (example:  “To help you reach our department’s end of the month goals, I’d like to offer this idea”). 

Anyone who can get the other person to accurately repeat back that which you’re saying has effectively delivered the message.

Leaving a phone message today is like talking to yourself – just call, text or email. 

When someone refuses to acknowledge what you are saying, repeat it again the same way as if they didn’t hear it because they didn’t.

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Only do three screen scrolls on Facebook and Instagram once a day – physically put a limit on these black attention holes where we get lost too long. 

Organize your phone into 3-4 screens followed by folders – put attention wasters like social media, news sites, music into these folders so you know when you enter to be aware that you are losing the battle. 

Make it a practice to not open the phone in a bathroom, waiting room or place where you could interact with people or life – at least try.  

Choosing to be on the phone instead of with a child, mate or someone you like even if THEY are lost in digital space is your unacceptable excuse to do the same.

Phones off after a certain hour.  Period.

No work by phone after a certain hour (The French have this one as a law). 

The phone is neither a sitter nor an educator, it’s a tool not a life. 

No phones during a meal (saying you need to leave it on the table to monitor a babysitter is a nice try).

Finally accept that phones and social media that are conducted on them are addictive and without strong resolve, they will rob their users of life and relationships.

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We can be our own worst enemy.

The troubling voice in our heads – that inner critic – becomes comfortable tearing down confidence and self-esteem.  If others don’t do it, we learn to do it.

Change the inner critic that is holding you back.

Defend yourself – don’t allow verbal attacks to go unaddressed.

Speak up and advocate for yourself – it is not the job of others to be our advocates.  We must go first.

Don’t avoid the criticism that stimulates your inner critic – deal with it in a positive way that encourages growth.

Learning to confront and battle your inner critic takes time – it’s not possible to push it away with any one move.

Start now.

Live a life of approval and acceptance from the most important person in your life – you.

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Ask anyone what they did wrong and you’ll get an immediate answer and a long list.

Ask them what they did right and you’ll have a long wait for a short answer.

Handling failure requires moving on.

A bad day is not a bad life.

Failing to accomplish goals is a good thing.

Doubting yourself creates more failure.

Forget everything bad that ever happened and give it 100% of the best you have to offer.

Batting 1.000 isn’t realistic.

Showing up 1000% of the time with your best stuff – that’s how to train the mindset of a winner.

Let go of excuses and focus on the next thing.

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We now spend 11 hours a day interacting with media – phones, Kindles, TV, music – this according to a recent Nielsen study.

4 hours and 46 minutes watching television.

40 minutes on inter-connected devices (video games, smart TV).

Computers, phones and tablets 3 hours and 48 minutes and more.

Any reduction in some or all of these and other digital media distractions would render more time to live, love and interact with people and places you enjoy.

So why don’t we bite the bullet and fix this?

There’s work, stay in touch with the sitter, the black hole of social media where it’s hard to stop scrolling.

Digital devices are addictive and we have an addiction.

These are tools – powerful tools that also bring us a connection and a way to avoid being in the present.

Phones are like morphine pumps that are used to kill the pain after surgery – put it in your hand (just like a phone) and press the button as often as necessary.

A smartphone is only truly smart when you’re in control not the other way around.

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You believe in them first.

If you can live without someone else concurring.

If you can muster enough confidence to believe in you.

But if your dreams have to be approved by others first, they are not your dreams.

To make all things possible, you must be committed to do the impossible. 

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Starting today, see yourself in the …

Top ten percent of your company’s productive workers.

Top ten percent for marriages and relationships.

Top ten percent in health and fitness.

Top ten percent in effective use of human relations.

Top ten percent among those weaning themselves off of too much phone use.

Top ten percent at spending time with the family.

Top ten percent of people who actually pursue their dreams with passion.

Top ten percent of meaningful friendships.

Even aim to be in the top ten percent of your upcoming class reunion.

Sometimes all that is needed to improve is to see a top ten percentile goal vividly in your mind’s eye.

Without it, the results are unpredictable.

With it, the outcomes are guaranteed to be better.

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1. Talk kindly to yourself.  Become your own coach.  Good coaches build on positives, negative coaches get fired.
2. Become skilled at using effective human relations.  There is still no better way to gain an edge than to master the principles in Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends and Influence People.  (Hint, buy the paperback.  Rip out one chapter at a time until you master it then go on).
3. Admit mistakes.  You want to be the person who can say “I was wrong” and why sincerely because that breeds confidence that sticks with you when you need it most.
4. Defend your boundaries.  Push away abusers and bullies even if they are related to you or you work closely with them.  No confidence ever comes from tolerating a bully or an abusive person.

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Totally change your routines.

If you drive to work one way, go another way.

Usually bring lunch? Eat out.

Shy away from conversation, start one.

Stuck in a job, in the next hour take a step toward exploring a new one.

Going nowhere in a relationship?  Part ways but take time off before entering another one to avoid making the same choice again.

Ruts can be things that formerly excited us.

Waiting for the perfect person, situation or opportunity to come along is a dead-end road – don’t postpone living 100% now.

The most important way to get out of a rut is to get in touch with your instincts, listen to them and never doubt them.

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Don’t talk.

Ask questions.

Endless questioning going deeper and deeper into the conversation.

And it has nothing to do with being outgoing.

People think a great conversationalist is a person who says all the right things, can be witty, intelligent, interesting – all at once.

It’s the other way around.

Ask question after question – do it sincerely — and you will make a friend for life.

The irony is, a good conversationalist is not a person who does all the talking but the one who does all the listening.

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Do the thing you fear to do and the fear will go away from you.

Face the threat, don’t let it fester.

Stand up for yourself and you always win.

Better than worry:  Prepare for what you could actually do if your worst fears come true.

Fear is a mind game you can win.

Stop the anxiety dead in its tracks by standing up and refusing to succumb to an unpleasant emotion that can ruin your life. 

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Anxious people seem to make themselves more anxious by obsessing about it.

An immediate fix is to postpone your anxiety to a set time every day.

I’m worried about losing my job

My children are having problems in school

I’m worried about health issues

I feel pressured all the time and can’t relax

Put it on a list of things you want to deal with – later.  Say, between 8 and 8:30 or whatever works for you.  At the end of that time, all anxious thoughts are held over to tomorrow at, say, 8 pm.

Anxiety doesn’t just go away as most people suffering from it will attest.  It has to be managed.

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.

It’s the feeling that hurts us because the actual concern more often than not never happens the way we fear it.

Put a stop/loss on anxiety by scheduling worry time for a specific duration every day and start managing a feeling that makes legitimate concerns seem all encompassing.

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A study of 2,000 adults says this is what is a perfect day for them:

Waking up at 8:15 in the morning 

A sunny, spring-like forecast with a temperature of 74 

Being able to enjoy three hours outdoors

4 hours with family, 3 hours with friends

Another 3 hours watching TV

In bed by 10:50 pm. 

Even at that respondents say they only have 15 “perfect” days a year.

What’s wrong with their typical “perfect” day.

It is self-centered.

Real perfect days come when you’re not making it all about yourself.

Giving the gift of your precious time to someone without expecting anything in return. 

Being a good listener to a friend where you can accurately repeat back the essence of what they are saying without having to match them topic by topic. 

Being grateful for that which is good but also for challenges that have the potential of transforming your life.

And being grateful for people in your life.

Putting your phone away and being 100% present with those around you.

Returning home to greet everyone as if you’ve been on a two-week business trip and can’t wait to see them.

Forgiving someone.

You get more happiness by giving than receiving.

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A smartphone is like one of those morphine pumps they give patients after surgery where you hit it up to get an instant dose of pain killer and doctors say use it as much as you need to comfort yourself.

Our phones bring us a jolt of adrenalin so we keep tapping it to see if we missed anything, if someone wants us or if they are responding to our social media posts.

It’s a drug.

You can’t just stop turning to your phone unless you have something else that brings happiness to replace it.

Shut the phone down and go solo by interacting with others in real time.

Do like the French, no business emails after work hours — no exceptions. 

Seriously, look at our texts messages.  We could live without 90% of them and not miss a beat. 

Avoid the black hole of scrolling through social media – it’s hard to stop and not worth it.  

Put all apps that help without distracting you on the first two screens of your phone – weather, traffic, Uber, etc.  Everything else goes into folders (Instagram, Facebook, news, music, video, etc.) and when you enter those folders be aware that you are entering a black hole that will usurp your time and distract you from your present surroundings.

51% of Millennials say their number one medical complaint is anxiety.

Reduce it by getting tough with your phone – you own it, don’t let it own you.

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I saw an interesting article recently that suggested that phones and digital devices may not be the only source of stress in our lives.

That perhaps people are turning to social media to escape a world of pressure, impossible expectations and feelings of failure for the instant response of someone liking us on Facebook or following us on Instagram.

Fear feeds worry.

Then we begin to worry as if worry is a 100% predictor of doom that will soon follow.

99% of everything we fear never happens.

And in 1% of the cases when it does, what we feared does not happen as we imagined it would.

Yet when it comes to fear and worry, even those odds don’t seem to be good enough.

To stop worry in its tracks, ask what’s the worst that can happen?

Then, realistically how likely is that to occur?

This is important – and if it does, what’s your plan for dealing with your fear

Fear and worry are not rational so to get the emotion under control, add some reality.

What I’m fearing will probably not happen and if it does, here’s my plan – this approach goes a long way toward easing anxiety.

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It’s a joke how people who are very publicly fired from their jobs like to say “I want to spend more time with my family”.

So if they weren’t fired, would they still want to spend less time with the family?

More time with the family is a red herring.

Better time – now that’s a doable goal.

Away with the guilt of working late and not seeing the children if you’re still going to leave your phone on and be distracted.

Or declaring a family day because you need it more than they do.

Quality time does not mean more time.

Spend quality time in the now 100% focused on the person or people who are important to you.

One long walk with a child where communication is taking place is more meaningful than one entire day instigated by guilt.

Listening to a family member without commenting is so golden that it will earn hugs and kisses.

Being present, curious and non-judgmental is preferred over hours of just being there.

Ironically, it’s not the amount of time that is spent but the amount of time focused on the other person’s life. 

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Doctors stop listening to patients after just 11 seconds.

Research at the University of Florida shows doctors may have patients but they have very little patience before jumping in after asking the question what brings you here.

It’s not just doctors.

Almost everyone can’t wait to hear themselves talk.

Being a good listener endears you to others and produces better outcomes in human interaction.

It is a secret that successful people know.

A bad listener cannot succeed in life for very long.

A rare few people are born good listeners but most of us have to work on that skill.

Step one.

Listen until you can repeat back what you’ve heard so accurately that the person speaking can answer “yes” when you say “do I have that about right”.

Communication cannot begin until the message is received and confirmed by the person speaking.

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Patience is a virtue but so is action.

Perfectionists wait because they want to get every last detail right, but perfection can never be achieved.  It’s just a goal.

The cautious live in limbo uncertain about what to pursue next.

It’s why we are better at getting the next job once we’ve left our present jobs.  We wait too long.

It’s why we stay in toxic relationships for fear of acting instead of anticipating something better.

Why we get less adventurous as we age.

More likely to wait until something forces our hand instead of what we can make happen.

All the while life goes on as if we have endless years to make up our minds.

Don’t wait, don’t delay – jump into every opportunity that could bring you success and happiness.

Never wait for perfection.

Perfect is an illusion.

There is only what’s in our grasp now to be consumed to the fullest.

Don’t miss this moment waiting for the next.

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Often the best way to discover a fuller life is to look to a cancer survivor or other person challenged with a life-threatening illness.

They almost universally find a way to acquire the secret to not putting their life on hold even as they face extensive medical treatment and become anxious about their prospects for living.

Live life now – never put it on hold.

Not for health.

Or a divorce.

A personal problem or tragedy.

A career bump in the road.

Ironically, those who live life to the fullest are the ones who are fighting to overcome health issues.

There are no guarantees for anyone even people blessed with good health for the moment.

Tomorrow never comes for people who cannot live life in the present even if they make it to 100.

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The manager who repeatedly leaves you (or your opinion) out of the meeting. 

Encouraging others to avoid you until you feel left out.

Failure to include you on a regular basis promoting isolation. 

Allowing others to criticize or demean you without stopping it or clearly distancing themselves from that criticism. 

Looking to others less qualified to do what you are qualified (and perhaps even hired) to do. 

Put downs followed by a “harmless” joke. 

All passive-aggressive people. 

Pitting two people against each other so that they will turn against each other so that the bully comes out “winning”. 

Setting people up to fail using unrealistic expectations.

Subtle bullies try to befriend their victims often over a long period of time (or torture).

The only cure is to get rid of the bullies.

Zero tolerance at work or in your life.

Obvious bullies back down and search for an easier victim when they are stood up to.

Subtle bullies look elsewhere when they are exposed to their employers, peers or friends and called out in a public way.

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