The gift that everyone craves is not money.

Not an iPhone.

Okay, maybe an iPhone but there is still something greater.

Perhaps you’ve heard about TED Talks.

The success of TED Talks, those 10-minute video presentations that have grown in popularity over the years is due to a special mission:  give your audience a gift.

The possibilities are endless.

When you speak to someone, think of giving them a gift – something they can take away that will make them feel enlightened, good about themselves or hopeful.

When you’re at Thanksgiving dinner, make the gift a public expression of gratitude to the person who prepared the feast.

With children, make the gift of you being in the now 100% focused on the relationship between the two of you.

For yourself, the gift of solitude to think, or a kind word for one of your many strengths.

But when people say that they don’t like speaking before groups or leading presentations at work, think of giving your audience a gift.

It makes some of your butterflies fly in formation.

The gift that keeps on giving is an attitude of offering to others something special from you.

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For all the talk about empowerment, we often miss the most obvious and best way.

Make people feel something.

We are living in a time numbed by our social media and digital devices where we are struggling to have feelings.

If you’re selling something, make the audience or buyer feel something positive after hearing your pitch. If you can’t identify in a few words what that positive feeling is, they sure can’t.

For families struggling to be closer, identify a feeling and focus on it. If that feeling is, say, safety together work every day to make free expression of thoughts and actions something that is safe to be discussed among family.

If teamwork is more of a name than a solution at work, empower others you work with to feel free to create, contribute and respond. Often the best teamwork comes at brainstorming sessions but once it breaks up, the benefits are lost.

We all have the capability to make others feel something and that is the secret to empowerment.

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Ban the word, leave the “t” off “can’t” to get to “can” and remove the self-destructive word “can’t” from your vocabulary as a first step.

All day today, catch yourself when “can’t” slips out.

Would you hire a person who uses the word “can’t”?

Would you choose to pursue a relationship with a person who says “can’t” instead of “can” and “will”?

Would you want your children and those you influence to hear you start with “can’t” before you even try?

Two very useful words that easily replace “can’t” is “I’ll try”.

Make “I’ll try” the new “can’t” and stop shooting yourself in the foot before you can prove just how effective your potential really is.

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Smartphones and social media are making lonely people lonelier.

They are promoting a culture in which people are hooked on their digital devices for fear of missing out on something.

The phone is the new security blanket – college students of mine saying they feel empty without a phone in their hand.

These great tools are turning children into robots even before robots take over the earth – as some predict and making adults numb to living in the now which is where all life takes place.

Phones are tools, not substitutes for things that are missing in life.

Rule 1:  When in the presence of another human being, turn the phone off or don’t take it out until you are alone.  Even when you are alone, return to the real world and remain in it as long as possible interacting, thinking, appreciating.

Rule 2:  The phone and digital devices are not cheap babysitters.  Even Steve Jobs, arguably the one who started this revolution wouldn’t let his kids have unlimited access to their screens – and they were teens!

Rule 3:  When in the company of a smartphone abuser, remain silent until they either give you 100% of their attention in the now or put their phones away.

Rule 4:  The phone and digital devices are tools but they have become an addiction and should be treated the same way any other addiction is treated.  If you are losing moments in life, you may have to quit to recover.

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Confidence is among the most fragile things we possess.

When things are going great, confidence comes easy.

When things are going poorly, it is almost impossible to muster.

Confidence is manufactured in the brain even before we need it.

The more we think positively about our abilities, the more our actual pathways in the brain physically change.

Confidence is perishable so use it daily or lose it when you need it most.

Confidence comes from how many times we actually believe in ourselves.

Confidence does not get bigger as challenges get bigger, even small things build big confidence.

When things get rough, waiting for them to get better is not as quick or effective as reviewing in your mind the specific ways you’ve believed in yourself.

If someone sees you’re lacking and tries to diminish your confidence further, cut off that communication immediately and return to seeing yourself in a positive way.

Confidence can even grow when things go sour if we see adversity as a step toward our next success.

Confidence is best controlled by us and not outsourced to others.

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Sometimes it takes no more than a well-written song to help me start my day such as “Take It Easy” performed by The Eagles and written by Jackson Browne and Glenn Frey.

“Don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy”

“Lighten up while you still can

Don’t even try to understand

Just find a place to make your stand, and take it easy”

“We may lose and we may win, though we will never be here again”

Sometimes our intensity makes us stressed.

Lighten up and let go of the things that are dragging us down.

No matter how good or bad our day, we can never hit restart so make the best of it.

Once a dj, always a dj I guess.  No wonder music makes us happy.

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Don’t you just love it when people tell you that they are stressed out and therefore they can’t do this or that?

A big cause of stress is others who constantly say they are stressed.

Welcome to everyone’s world, but when those close to us or those who spend a lot of time with us, say, at work keep playing the stress card, it causes stress for us as well.

There is a certain sense of responsibility some people feel when they are told that the person they are dealing with is stressed out.

Does it mean, back off of the topic or demand?

Is it code for I can’t deal with what you’re saying or asking of me?

Stress is a part of modern life that didn’t exist in exactly the same form decades ago for our parents and grandparents.  Life was slower then but still, there were worries and pressures.

There are two important keys to reducing stress.

One, ease up when you start to feel stressed.

Two, refuse to let other people hand off their stressed feelings to you by playing the “I’m stressed” card.

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I’ll bet you think that a put down artist is some arrogant bloviator who rains on your parade as soon as it gets underway.  That, too.

Actually, we all have the potential of being put down artists inadvertently.

When our child comes home from school and says “I got three A’s and one B” and we ask, “What did you get a B in?”  Of course, we should say, “Tell me about your grades” in a less judgmental way.  It’s not like they’re flunking out of school.

But real put down artists can be brutal.

When I was appointed professor of music industry at the University of Southern California, one of my “good friends” took my breath away when he said, “How did YOU get to be a professor?” as if to say being an ex-dj disqualifies me when ironically it was actually the reverse.

I joked, that USC ran out of candidates and chose me but I knew the real reason I was brought in to write and teach courses on music, broadcasting and the mobile future.

Or how about this one:  I’ve been married three times so I can’t tell you the number of times I have heard “which one” when I refer to an ex.  Really?  Which one?  Like you care.

Humor is always a good way to introduce a person to their insensitivity.

It’s bad enough that adults struggle with put down artists but it is monumental when children and teens are confronted with it.

I’m in the advanced group, you’re not (like it matters in the end).

You’re fat (what does my weight have to do with you).

No one likes you (did you hold an election?).

Insert your own indignities here because I’m sure you know what I am talking about.

The most effective way to put down a put down artist is to cut off their oxygen by not responding to their hurtful comments with the full knowledge that there is only one you and you’re pretty darn awesome.

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Now that Brad and Angelina are splitting, what are we to do?

More than ever we live in a world created by entertainment and media.  The stars make up to break up and it is really easy for those living more normal lives to wonder where they fit in.

Take “I love you”.

The word “love” is bandied about more than ever but sometimes we feel self-conscious about saying it.

There are other ways to say “I love you”.

Deeds.

Sacrifices.

Giving up having it your way to let him or her have it their way.

Practicing the art of thoughtfulness – leaving a note in the glove box that says, don’t worry about the car, all that matters is that you’re safe should there ever be an accident.

Building another person’s confidence – love is helping someone else grow and be free to flap their wings.

So, if you want to try something different today, buy a card or send an e-card that is blank so you can choose one of the ways (above) to provide your own personal evidence to the word “love”.

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Okay, so you’re sitting face-to-face with someone who puts their phone up to their face and begins to multitask.

You are right in the middle of saying something to them and feel that you don’t have 100% of their attention – which you don’t.

Handle multitasking like this right in your face by simply stopping what you are saying.

Not another word is uttered until you have their attention.

I usually here something like “I’m listening” or “I can do more than one thing at a time”.

But if that’s not a tradeoff you are willing to make, simply remain silent until or unless the other person gives you the attention you deserve.

People who allow their narrative to be hijacked by someone else’s multitasking will never be effect communicators.

If they want to hear you, they must finish the task or stop it in midstream and be 100% present or else you’re wasting your breath.

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