Florence Henderson, mom on the hit series The Brady Bunch died late last week at the age of 82.

I heard her “oldest son” Greg Brady (Barry Williams) sum up the quality Mrs. Brady had that made her so beloved.

According to Williams on an NPR interview, Henderson tried to portray the mom she always wanted to have – the mom she always wanted to be.

We can be the person we want to be, not someone else, as long as we can visualize in our mind’s eye the qualities it will take.

Living someone else’s life is not an option.

Seeing the person you want to be is at least half the work in getting there.

I always like to say be the person your pet thinks you are.

And Florence Henderson is saying know the qualities you want to have and then pursue them.

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Thanksgiving can be a train wreck for some people.

This “family time” is also dysfunctional family time and that includes all of us.

Relatives and close friends are pushed together to eat, drink, watch football and shop often for more than one day over the weekend.

The real purpose of Thanksgiving is not eating but gratitude and the closer we get to gratitude, the better the holiday goes.

• Rule 1 through 99 – if you really want to have a miserable time, try to change someone especially a relative.  Let it go, let it flow.

• Warning:  stay off of politics.

• Be the one who raises a glass to the person who prepared the feast if you are having a traditional Thanksgiving dinner.  They may be moved to tears or show joy of appreciation, but it sets the right tone.

• Remember those who are departed.  I remember my parents every year by trying to do something that they would do to keep their spirit alive.  A recipe (broccoli sautéed in garlic and olive oil) to feel their presence.

• Remember the less fortunate or those who are troubled.

Food is filling.

Food for thought is satisfying.

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Commit to kindness.

Choose the person you want to be and stick to it even in the face of people who choose to be unkind to you.

In the long range, we win when we stick to the plan to be the person we want to be.

The author Dr. Amit Sood at a seminar gives this memorable example that sums it up.

There are always a few people in our lives who won’t change just as there are always a few kernels left unpopped in an overflowing bag of popcorn.

Commit to kindness even when others do not.

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This is not about Donald Trump the politician but about his seemingly endless confidence to win one way or the other.

Trump believed he could be president when others laughed. He was looking like a sure loser on the eve of the election when all politicians put on a brave face but Trump somehow, some way believes he will prevail when others allow themselves to think they might fail.

We can’t ask others to believe in us, if we don’t first believe in ourselves.

The enemy is that little voice that tries to grow louder in our head that says maybe things won’t work out right.

When sports teams play a game, it’s over if they allow this thought in their head.

For the rest of us, when we allow the game to be over while it is still on, failure is what follows.

See it through.

Believe in you.

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Why do we utter so many words of discouragement to those around us?

• You’re really going to do that?
• What if it doesn’t work?
• You need something to fall back on.

And why do we not recognize that every time we help another person up, we give ourselves a gift.

• There is only one you!
• If anyone can do it, you can!
• I believe in you!

No matter your political views, we have learned that Melania Trump when her husband told her he was thinking of running for president said “you will win”.

When you bet on people, you always win.

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In a way, if you reclaim the time you spend with people who are not real friends, you would have a lot of free time.

Sometimes it takes an illness, a near-death experience or the loss of a job or a marriage to find out who our real friends are.

Just because we spend time with people does not mean that they are friend-worthy.

And social media has nothing to do with friends at all – you don’t count the number of friends, you count on them.

When families live in a neighborhood and their children play together, it is not unusual for those ties that bind to be loosened when one of the families up and moves elsewhere even in the same town.

The “friends” we accumulate at work by proximity are often sacrificed when our place of employment changes.  We make new friends with those close to us.

Even though I am Hoboken-born and Jersey bred, one of the lessons I have learned from the state of Arizona, home of rattlesnakes, is that snakes take on the camouflage of their surroundings making it harder for other predators and hikers to see them.

They become like their surroundings.

That’s why it is important to increase the time spent with people who are true friends – the kind that will last a lifetime (and even beyond in some cases) rather than hang out with those who may be friends by proximity.

Up the time with true friends and be 100% present in their lives.

Reduce the time with so-called friends who you could live without someday and it is a guarantee that you’ll never have to live without the people that really matter.

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What a great world it would be to leave our troubles behind but in today’s connected world that is harder to do than ever.

If what happens in Vegas really stays in Vegas, why can’t what happens at work (or at home) stay there, too?

People are created to think holistically which is why it is difficult to have a work persona and a home persona.

One way to keep problems from seeping into parts of life that don’t deserve being affected is to put aside time to deal with problems.

How does it look?

If your boss puts you in a bad mood when you walk in and see your spouse or children, put aside 15-30 minutes to deal with all that bad stuff.

I had a friend whose marriage was in jeopardy because when he returned from work his wife was anxious to tell him everything that went right or wrong in her day.  Their psychologist suggested they build a buffer in – an hour in their case – from work and returning to family.  It saved their marriage.

Look down at your phone and you’ll see your life at a glance so another way to disconnect for everyone’s sake is to put the phone down and be 100% present with the people you love.

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When things go our way, it seems that our energy is boundless.

When frustrated, discouraged, overworked, anxious or depressed, we tend to feel it the moment we wake up.

Make the first thing you do in the morning something that energizes you.

Exercise, yoga, reflection or prayer.  Coffee only goes so far.

Allowing a new day to start feeling defeated is likely to bring on another frustrating day.

But find something that energizes you – even temporarily – provides a real chance to deal with problems and move on.

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Both political parties nationally and locally play hardball at election time. This year was worse where all parties are guilty of taking nastiness to a new level.

To those who can’t fathom a Trump presidency, there is another election in four years.

To those concerned about lying, lack of trustworthiness and broken promises from Secretary Clinton, the best advice is do, don’t stew. Get to work to bring about change you can live with.

But today’s nastiness goes beyond politics.

Bullying on line.

Cold relationships built on texting and email without the softness of a voice or emotion.

Rudeness from looking down at phones instead of looking into someone’s eyes to get the measure of emotions from the people we talk to.

No law can be passed that will make people nicer but there is no reason not to continue to live the life of your dreams by treating people the way you would want to be treated.

When I talk to a senior, I refer to them as “sir” or “ma’am” out of respect to my parents who would want me to talk that way.

In talking to a child, treat them with respect.

Dale Carnegie changed my life – I taught the course for 11 years – every Dale Carnegie principal is as relevant today as when he wrote the book decades ago. Live by his principles and teach them to those around you by example.

Dale Carnegie principles are your blueprint to changing a world of nastiness.

If I ate pasta every night, I would get sick of it (okay, it would take time, but still). We crave variety and should crave the differences in others and see it as enrichment of our lives

Agree to disagree. Even when others stand for things that I find unacceptable, I must say to myself – dislike the deed, not the person or we will live in a never ending world of hate.

We change the world one person at a time.

And yes, we can change the world – those around us, tomorrow’s leaders who may be looking to us today – by being the person who is big enough to say I will fight for what I believe but I will not become my own worst enemy.

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The only reason to doubt yourself is to look for a way not to believe in you.

When a football player breaks loose from a tackle and runs for a touchdown, they don’t momentarily say, I wonder if I can make it for a touchdown.  They just go as far and fast as they can.  No second thoughts.

If a kicker has the game on his foot with the next field goal, if he doubts he can kick it through the uprights, he’s toast.  Maybe that’s why opposing coaches call a time out so late that the kicker can’t stop and then has to stand around, think about it, and do it all over again.  Coaches know that mind works both ways.

The mind is a tremendous asset or adversary if we allow self-doubt into it.

Doubt that you will meet the right person for you someday and you won’t.

Doubt you’ll get the promotion then be prepared to be passed over and if you do get it, the chances for success are hanging on a thread of no confidence that got you there.

Doubt that you can be a great parent (as opposed to a great friend) in this era of self-absorption and you will be rendered ineffective.

Failing is no excuse for doubt.

No one succeeds 100% of the time.

Remember the Ted Williams story.  He bats over .400 one year, an almost impossible feat, but he still failed 60% of the time.

Who cares?

Failure is temporary.

Success is permanent.

Unless self-doubt is allowed in.

No second thoughts unless they are the same as the first thought which is “go for it” and never doubt your ability to succeed.

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