Karl Rove was the bulldog presidential advisor to President George W. Bush.

David Axelrod, President Barack Obama’s bare knuckles advisor.

The two couldn’t be further apart on just about everything but when you look for common ground, you find your opening.

Both Rove and Axelrod lost parents by suicide while they were young saying “if you probe people’s stories, it’s hard to hate”.  While disagreeing in politics, they have worked together on suicide prevention projects.

“Sometimes you talk to people who you think you don’t admire …. and then, there are elements of them that you learn that you do.”

78-year old Folk singer Joni Mitchell survived a near-fatal brain aneurysm in 2015 – she had to learn to walk again, relearn the guitar and find her voice once more which she did triumphantly at the Newport Folk Festival recently where she got up and sang.

But one highlight among many was her singing of “Both Sides Now”, a song she wrote, performed at Newport in 1967 and for which she then received criticism – what could a girl in her 20’s know about two sides of life.

New York Times critic Lindsay Zoladz said of the rendition “she seemed to sing it this time with a grinning shrug: I really don’t know life at alI.  As if to say:  You never know – anything can happen.  Even this”.

Anyone who has had a brush with death knows life never looks the same again.

Overcoming obstacles is why we exist and it has its rewards.

Billy Joel holds back seats in the first few rows of his concerts – the story is he’s tired of looking at bored, rich people (who can pay the high prices).

Instead, he sends his crew into the venue and upgrades a select group of people with the worst seats to sit up front.

They are more than happy to be there – so Joel plays off of that but it also underscores the benefit of exceeding expectations.

Outside the arena of our lives, the ability to exceed expectations has a dual benefit.

I know a person who was in a relationship that lasted long enough to travel together but marry or merge families – it had lots of promise until suddenly, one of the partners disappeared and the other found themselves ‘ghosted’.

No attempt to reestablish contact worked – the aggrieved party never knowing why it happened, why so suddenly and what was wrong with them (if anything really was).

Gili Freedman, an assistant professor of psychology at St. Mary’s College in Maryland quoted recently in The New York Times said even ghosters are filled with the same guilt.

The good news — time heals all and humans are “particularly resilient to ghosting”.

In a study, people who were ghosted in the previous 12 months had the same levels of loneliness, helplessness and life satisfaction than those who had not been ghosted.

So, the abandoned person wasn’t the only thing that disappeared, so did the side effects.

So my friend Tom Taylor pointed me to a Snopes story that cited clippings from 14 articles that were published between 1894 (not a typo, yes 1894) and 2022 that illustrated how the same old verse has been used in the course of history about people not wanting to work.

Today, it likely means after sitting out the pandemic and thinking about it, many wanted more – a better job, more money, the ability to keep working from home, lower costs of commuting and child care.

Companies have scrambled to compete for job seekers looking to change the status quo – they’ll have to overcome career and workplace objections or risk not employing the best and brightest.

And what should workers do in this not-so-new mindset of not wanting to work at a job that doesn’t work for them?

Find an organization that has the right purpose.

Question whether the work is worthwhile.

Ask, is this a job where I can make a difference?

The legendary TV producer Norman Lear of “All in the Family”, “Maude”, “The Jeffersons”, “One Day at a Time” among others has just two words of advice on the meaning of life on his 100^th birthday.

Over and Next.

“When something is over, it is over and we are on to next.  Between those words, we live in the moment, make the most of them.”

And actress Rita Moreno referring to Lear had one of the greatest compliments you could give a person:

“I wish there was a way that they could make copies of him.  Wouldn’t that be marvelous? … What a super, super addition to the human race he is.”

Let no one place a thought into your ahead without you first approving it.

A tennis player wouldn’t let a coach get away with saying, “hope you don’t slip and fall” – if they did, it would be disturbing to say the least.

There is no place for the fear of others, jealously or hurt in our thoughts.

But people tend to give unfettered access directly into our subconscious without even asking “if this winds up in my brain and I replay it over and over again, is it good for me?”

We are the gatekeeper of what gets into our psyche – approve everything before allowing access and positivity will flourish.

When asked to volunteer, be first.

The shot of confidence that comes from this is incalculable.

The action precedes the feeling of increased confidence.

(And yes, you can handle it).

When I am criticized I have trained myself to initially do the opposite of my first visceral reaction – I agree with the critic.

“You’re right”

“Never thought of it that way”

I never accept abuse, in that case, I end the contact – otherwise, I keep encouraging people to tell me what they don’t like without having to get into a battle – after all, they’re not going to change their minds.

What usually happens is when faced with an open mind, theirs opens as well – a conversation ensues. I can’t count the number of times I have made a new friend or increased mutual esteem by refusing to argue.

People want to be heard – to the listener goes the advantage.

Before getting out of bed think of who you are grateful for and why.

And who you love and why.

Once up, recite to yourself who you want to be because no narrative is as compelling as the talk you give yourself at the start of each day.

Make the first ten people you see happy that they see you but while they will no doubt appreciate it, you will be training your brain to be a positive person the rest of the day.

When criticized, immediately recall something good about yourself.

If a major problem occurs, respond rather than react.

When your day ends, make the people you have missed feel like you haven’t seen them in two weeks.

I do this and recommend it.

We’re over-dependent on technology, social apps, people, work – somehow the pandemic ended but the problems that exacerbated it continue.

The thing about over-dependence is that is 100% a mirage, a fear of our own making and it can be lessened or eliminated by challenging every case of it.

We may not be able to live without technology today but we can control its use.

Depending on others without first depending on yourself is an open pit in which to fall.

Looking for friends or validation especially but not limited to social media can be an invitation to put yourself up for election letting others decide what is your right to decide.

The end of over-dependence begins with relying on your good judgement first and always.

Every person who saps your positive energy by being negative is wasting your time and subconsciously affecting how you feel about yourself.

People who offload their anxiety on you double the anxiety you may already carry.

Anyone not in lock step moving forward with you is holding you back even if they are just standing around while you are trying to advance.

We’re so connected that we are under a constant barrage of stress from others that lessens the time we have to make a happy life and succeed at our goals.

Letting go of baggage requires strictly policing what you will allow into your brain and subconscious thoughts —  slap it down at the place of entry.

If you’re already carrying around the negative thoughts of others, take control and let go of people who are getting into your head.

If a person hasn’t asked you about yourself, you’re likely taking too much of their baggage.

Friends appreciate when people reach out – not to ask anything of them, but for no reason at all.

A call, email, text – a new study shows how it’s done really doesn’t matter.

There’s real power in staying in touch with friends “just because” for participants on both the giving and receiving end.

Whenever I call you friend
I begin to think I understand
Anything we are
You and I have always been ever and ever

Whenever I Call You “Friend”, song by Kenny Loggins

Often our misfortunes eventually turn into advantages.

A broken marriage that turns into the next happy one.

The loss of a job that launches a successful career.

Overcoming a health issue you never asked for by becoming more health conscious.

An unexpected turn of events that leaves us devastated until it motivates us to make meaningful change.

No sane person hopes for things they don’t want but that doesn’t mean getting them is the end when it can be a beginning.

There has been an uptick of what is known as imposter syndrome, doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud.

It affects high achievers who have a difficult time accepting their accomplishments as they do not feel worthy of the praise they receive – but they are not the only ones.

We also see this in talented young people who deal with panic attacks and become uncertain of their own authenticity.

The concept of berating your best efforts is a waste of time and talent for if you are not convinced that you are able who are you willing to leave it up to?

Self-compassion and celebrating successes are better alternatives.

Before asking anyone else to validate you, be convinced that you are steadfast in validating yourself.

Perhaps you’ve heard about the 8-minute song designed to lower heart rate, blood pressure, and reduce levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

We came across it doing research for a new NYU course I will be adding this coming school year about reducing stress and anxiety in music and the performing arts.

Music, of course, is a potent friend of dealing with anxiety.

Many of you are interested in the things being done to deal with anxiety – here’s one that is proven to reduce it by 65% in 8 minutes Weightless recorded by a British group called Marconi Union.

Stress reduction is a whole-person endeavor, but this quick fix is powerful enough to pass along.

Listen here.  And let me know what you think.

I know a Mayo Clinic doctor who physically leans forward to be sure they are concentrating on their patients comments.

And another person who repeats back what they are hearing and asks, “did I get that right?”

The reason we can’t remember names is because we don’t bear down and hear them so we can repeat them twice and remember them forever.

Even in a distracted world, focusing on the present is not only possible but even more popular with those around you – they feel less important until someone can say, “did I get that right?”

As Steve Jobs said, “Focus and simplicity – once you get there you can move mountains”.

That may be a great motto for Outback Steakhouse but it falls short when someone is so distracted that they run a red light.

I experience almost one (and some days three) people per day barreling through stop lights almost as if they are just suggestions and not rules.  Perhaps you are seeing the same thing.

We adhere to rules for safety and order.

We break them to expand our creativity.

If you’re good at breaking rules, you must also be good at adhering to them – the lesson of the moment on this turbulent time.

This is a tough time – post pandemic, more disruptions, new normal and people who have forgotten some basic rules of civility.

You could drill into that negativity or choose to live the life you want to life, acting the way you’d like to be treated.

There is always hope because the world changes one person at a time.

Condition yourself to respond to disappointments as encouragement.

Missed goals as just a first chance not your last.

Bad things seen as challenges that bring good outcomes if you don’t stop now.

You can’t find one successful person who hasn’t had to condition themselves to believe that adversity is a test of will for how badly you want something.