Yes, no music, no podcast no nothing.

Just wearing headphones that give the appearance that you’re unavailable so that you can be unavailable.

A recent New York Times article identified the trend with scary stories of people who say they feel “too exposed” when they don’t wear them to the office.

We may be more connected through social media but we are becoming more and more disconnected from others in real time.

Remember that there are legions of people who wear real working headphones to tune in their world and tune out others.

Withdrawing from life in real time is a dangerous game.

If you fear living life with all its distractions and annoyances, you fear losing life.

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What a perfect time of year following the culinary excesses of the holidays to inspire an exercise program.

Researchers have discovered that telomeres which are add ons to our chromosomes that were once thought to get shorter as body cells age, can actually grow longer through exercise.

The more kinds of exercise that were reported in studies, the longer participants telomeres grew.

There are so many things we have no control over but this one is major.

Most studies show that exercise programs – no matter what type – eventually fail and weight is regained.

Exercise – 10,000 steps a day can overcome a natural body’s tendency to compromise our life span.

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The gift of someone’s time is worth more than anything money can buy.

And it’s free.

This past Christmas day was the lowest cellphone use of any day in all of 2015.  That means in spite of our technology and connectivity, more people spent time with each other face-to-face, in person.

Digital devices are tools – not relationships.

The only resolution any of us need make in the year ahead is to put our phones in their proper place in our lives.

Hand your phone to your son or daughter and ask them if they’d like to park theirs for a few minutes while they take a walk with you.

Quality time is worth tons of quantity time.

Spend quality time with loved ones – free from distractions – and you will both get and receive a meaningful gift at the same time.

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Like it or not, the gift giver looms large on his or her Christmas list these days.

I’ve heard figures as high as $800 spent on oneself.

Here are gifts to give yourself and they are free.

• Be the person you want to be not the person you become by reacting to someone else’s behavior.  Not easy but rewarding.  Constantly ask “Is this the right thing to do?” instead of choosing the lesser of the alternatives.
• Spend time with someone who is alone this holiday – talk about them, not you.  See how great both of you then feel.  Someone you know has lost a loved one and this season is the hardest of the year to endure.  Reach out to them.
• Disconnect from your digital world as much as possible and focus on being in the company of people you like.
• In front of others including loved ones, tell someone specifically why you appreciate them.  You may make them cry but it can be the most potent gift ever.
• In the 1947 Christmas movie Miracle on 34^th Street one of themes was how the holidays just didn’t seem the same as they used to be back in the day – and that was the same old complaint we hear today but it was 68 years ago!  Different is better.  The past is just a fantasy in our mind.  The present is currency that we can spend.

Happy Holidays to my friends who start each day here!

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Lydia Ko, a Korean-born golfer from New Zealand has perfected how to not let a bad golf shot make her angry.

I want to know this!

After all, golf is the game of life.

A lot of it is Ko’s upbringing and her personality but she is said to have a “whiteboard” for a memory.  As soon as a round of golf ends, she erases it from her mind.  Oh, God, would I love to do that.

Ever watch Tiger Woods?  He makes a bad putt and looks like his blood pressure is up to 350.

More than golf, having a “whiteboard” for a memory can be very helpful in other aspects of our life.

• Holding animosity in (even if it appears justified), turns the hostility against you.  Forget it.
• Most married couples argue about the past.  The past cannot be changed.  Wouldn’t a “whiteboard” here come in handy?  Forget the past, live in the present, and look forward to what can change in the future.
• A lot of young golfers seem fearless.  They attack the game and if they fall short, they shake it off (as Taylor Swift would remind us) and get amped up for what is next.   This is worth thinking about.

Erase that which cannot be beneficial to carry around and get on with living.

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Turns out that slouching over our digital devices is bad for self-esteem.

We’re putting 60 pounds of pressure on our necks when we bend our heads forward 60 degrees.

Studies show that people who have clinical depression assume a posture that is very close to the iHunch.

Amy Cuddy, a professor at Harvard Business School writing recently in The New York Times offered this advice:

“The next time you reach for your phone, remember that it induces slouching and slouching changes your mood, your memory and even your behavior. Your physical posture sculpts your psychological posture and could be the key to a happier mood and greater self-confidence”.

I am so taken by this because it profoundly affects all of us that I not only noted it but wanted to share it with you.

Here’s my takeaway:

• Interacting with these phones even for a little while decreases our productivity and efficiency.
• The smaller the digital device the more damage we do to our posture and ultimately self-esteem.
• The more shrunken and inward our posture, the more submissive we become.
• Keep the head up and shoulders back when looking at our phones – even holding it at eye level to fight these negative effects.

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Only one thing can make a person more comfortable with speaking in front of a group.

Not becoming more polished, more knowledgeable or funnier.

The only courage that it takes to hit that presentation out of the park is to be yourself in front of others.

This is no small thing because most of us have lapses of confidence even when we are not standing in front of a group of people.

• Spend every effort to speak to a group the same way you would speak to someone one-on-one.
• Never spend a moment worrying about “what ifs” such as “what if I forget what I wanted to say” or “what if my face gets flushed and everyone sees it”.  “What ifs” are the moments of sabotage we do to ourselves when we are fearful.  They have no useful place in my mind.
• Talk to the people you will present to or speak to in advance of your talk if possible.  Wander out and shake hands.  They will put you at ease and you will feel more confident and accepted when you address all.
• And if you do forget what you were going to say, don’t panic, just review some of the points you have made so far.
• Before speaking, think about what people like about you in one-on-one situations (good listener, real, funny, sincere) and channel some of that when you start speaking.

Shakespeare said one of my favorite things, “assume a virtue if you have it not” so before you begin your talk or presentation, say “I have earned the right to be the best speaker on this topic today”.

And good luck.  You’re going to want to do more speaking from now on.

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Young people in school and college easily make friends – often for life – because it is the only time in their lives when they are likely to be surrounded by large numbers of people within four years of their age and with similar things in common.

All the Facebook friends in the world don’t add up to a true friend.  All the parties you throw or attend, cannot attract another one of the special people who make life richer.

The best way to find a new and exceptional new friend is to be a new and exceptional new friend.

Relationships cannot be forced nor can they be compromised.

Being the fine person that you are 24/7 is the best way to attract a good friend.

And if you connect, rest easy and be yourself because there’s a lot more of what you have to offer where that came from.

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Mayo Clinic doctors say that the value of all the elements in a human body is worth just $4.50.

But if you’re worth $500,000 or $5 million, is the value of the elements in your body then worth more than $4.50?

Isn’t it odd that we identify our self-worth in terms of the money that we have made or have invested.

The cars that we drive or the real estate that we own.

Here’s a new way to look at self-worth.

Think about the people in your life for whom you are worth more than money.

Maybe a spouse, a friend, a child …

Where your spirit is invaluable and you are a unique person who can never be replaced.

What is the value placed on that?

Then, as the author Dr. Amit Sood reminds us, “value yourself based on the highest bidder”.

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Let’s borrow a tactic from sports.

Divide life into smaller components and you’ll likely see more success and less demotivating failure.

• Set time units to measure success.  One month to judge sales revenue increases not one year.  If you have a bad month, you learn from it and start fresh the next month.
• Smart coaches divide their playing seasons into, say, 10 games in which to judge play.  So a losing streak can end after 10 games without bringing down the entire season even though the standings reflect the losses.
• Small periods of time are more doable for most of us.
• Succeeding for multiple short periods can then be looked at as x number of winning periods in a row.
• Some teams that barely make the playoffs can go on to win the Super Bowl.  It happened to the Giants a few years back.  And teams that go unbeaten can lose the big game.
• Judge excellence in shorter measured time periods to build on strengths and eliminate weaknesses without losing heart.

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Bulletin: the two are not connected.

That’s what the Million Woman Study in Great Britain has concluded.

“Happiness and related measures of well-being do not appear to have any direct effect on mortality” according to the study.

It’s a knife to my heart. My wife won’t believe it, either. I have shared the news with friends and they don’t believe it.

Stress and unhappiness MUST cause disease, right?

Stress causes heart attacks, not inflammation or cholesterol or other issues.

But not according to this study.

I share this morning because what’s health got to do with happiness?

Some of the happiest people I have known are cancer patients who are no doubt ill but many of whom have arrived at a way to live more happily in the present.

I knew a radio station owner dying of cancer who gave away his radio station to see it live on and he continued to do the thing he loved, broadcasting, right up until the end.

As I readjust to this shocking research revelation, I am reminded to never postpone joy because that is why we are here.

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Everyone submits a resume when applying for work, but my USC music students learned a new way to get the interview and eventually the job.

It’s a one-sheet that will put your qualifications ahead of the best looking, most powerful resume because yours is focused on the hiring needs of the company.

1. Write 7 sentences and number them in order.  Each one has both a qualification or skill that you possess and one that your research shows the hiring company most desires.
2. Bold each of the 7 sentences.
3. Next to each bolded skill, write a second sentence (unbolded) that factually states the real experience you have to justify your claim.
4. Put your name at the top of the sheet somewhat like this “How Jerry Del Colliano Can Help Ferrari of North America”.   Email, phone number under your name.  Nothing else.

Here’s an example of 1 of the 7 items:

1. Works well with creative people and task groups. I am a Dale Carnegie instructor in human relations.

One of my students called in a panic saying that his interview was the next afternoon and he was having trouble coming up with 7 qualifications that fit the company’s perceived needs.

I said, cancel the interview.  If you don’t have the skills, you’ll know it before you get to #7.  If you do, you’ll kill at the interview.

One more thing.  Never carry more than one copy of this sheet into a face-to-face interview.  If the interviewer asks for a copy (the one you’re using to refer to), tell her/him that you were planning to leave your copy for her/him.

Most job seekers who are super qualified for a position often put themselves in with many people who are not and then it’s a crapshoot.

But if you were hiring and someone handed you an easy to read sheet with everything you’re looking for in a job candidate backed up with proof, which person would your hire?

Good luck.

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If there is one thing that people want – no, crave – it is a person focused on listening to them.

This is not just true in our self-absorbed society but was always valid.

The best listener has the most friends.

The best listener gets the best jobs.

The best listener is even confused for being the best conversationalist, which sounds odd but is often true.

Most of us have to work hard at being a good listener.

Some lucky people have it in their DNA.

But if being a better listener is a goal there is one way to get started even if listening does not come easy.

Focus on what is being said with the intention of summarizing it.

Listen, put what you’re hearing into a few short phrases and keep listening.

Listening with a purpose is the secret to becoming a better listener.

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It’s the shame of being fired even more than the lack of income that causes anxiety.

We are our jobs.

Spend more time working than anything else but sleeping (and sometimes even more than sleeping).

We are defined by the jobs we hold, the companies we work for and the people who constitute our work friends.

No one ever holds a party to celebrate losing their jobs.

No matter how much evidence there is that bad breaks like firings and layoffs almost always turn into something more positive and eventually more lucrative, we’re stuck on the feeling of shame.

To make it worse some employers fire people without respect to their feelings. Others don’t let the fired say goodbye or even pack up their own belongings – shaming moves.

When we fear for our careers focus on what makes us so valuable:

• Always be able to name the three things that make you valuable to an employer – say it out loud daily.
• Just as you should save money for a “rainy day” also save self-esteem for when you need it most.
• Do what I do – keep a file under notes on your smartphone and list every accomplishment you have with the latest on top.  Then often scroll through this list when waiting for an appointment or ending a day so you can remind yourself of specific accomplishments that you are proud of.
• Fear of the future is more damaging then what could actually happen.  Most of our fears will never be realized but reminding ourselves of what makes us valuable increases our confidence.

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Perhaps you’ve read this quote from the basketball great Michael Jordon:

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career.  I’ve lost almost 300 games.  26 times I have been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed.  I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life.  And that is why I succeed”.

We’ve got it all wrong.

Failure isn’t bad.

Failing means trying – it means learning and getting better.

It helps us get in touch with our determination – how badly do we want to win?

Adversity introduces us to ourselves and to those around us.

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I once followed Dick Clark in addressing the Country Music Broadcasters Convention in Nashville.

Clark was a fan favorite and hit it out of the park using video, stories and humor.

There were over 700 people in the auditorium and I don’t know whether I ever shared this before but it was one of the few times that I was concerned about doing a good job.

I stepped from backstage out into the audience to try and figure out what Clark was doing that I probably had to do.

But the more I tried to shoehorn myself into someone else’s act, the more anxious I became.

Until it hit me.

We were both invited to address this conference – Dick, as the expert in TV and music and me as the “expert” in radio.

In other words, I must have earned the right to be on stage and I needed to get that into my head.

When my turn came, I walked to the podium – glanced left, right and center to remind the audience and most importantly me that I had earned the right to be addressing this fine group.

To increase confidence, look for ways to remind yourself that you have earned the right to be the leader, the presenter, the supervisor, the highly engaged employee and it will make all the difference in the world.

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George Zimmer, the Men’s Warehouse founder known for saying “you’re going to like the way you look – I guarantee it” was shockingly fired a few years ago by his hand chosen board of directors.

One board member was even a childhood buddy.

Suddenly Zimmer was out when he vehemently opposed the merger with Jos A. Bank merger.

I’ve been there. Maybe you have, too.

Everything you worked so hard for is suddenly gone.

Since then, Zimmer started a new Internet venture Generation Tux, an online tuxedo rental business.

His new business is going gangbusters and his former business is spiraling downward.

They wouldn’t listen to Zimmer when he said do not merge with our brick and mortar competitor, Jos. A. Bank.

He was right and he still got fired.

Lessons?

• In example after example, people who succeeded have first failed (often many times). Look at failure as a rehearsal for success.
• The end is always the beginning of something new – repeat that thought over and over and do not dwell on what’s over and cannot be changed.
• Humility when on top helps save face when the bottom falls out.
• Without failure we would be tempted to continue in jobs we’ve outgrown and missed the opportunity to hit new heights.
• There is no such thing as failure – only an opportunity to succeed at something else.
• When you’re down, you get a chance once again to see who your real friends are and to value them even more.

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People who are newly in love crave the company of each other.

Longer-term relationships often become devoid of that passion, interest and warmth that came so easily in the beginning.

Marriage, children, work can take its toll.

All the marriage counselors, books and date nights out will not necessarily recapture that loving feeling.

Find novelty where there is love.

Find new ways to do things.

Put that cellphone away after checking messages and emails.

Focus on walking home a new way.

Finding a new place to eat.

Shopping for something new to wear that you’ve never owned before.

Two people who continually look for ways to find novelty where love is are able to recapture exactly how it felt when they met.

A girl tells her boyfriend:

– After our marriage I will let you kiss me where nobody else has kissed me.

– Where is that?

– In Hawaii.

Okay, it doesn’t have to be an expensive trip.

Anthropologist Helen Fisher says, “Research shows that novelty–taking risks or trying something new–can trigger the release of dopamine in the brain.  I’m not just talking about novelty in the bedroom (although that would be a good start). You can get the same effect from sampling a new type of cuisine together or riding the roller coaster at an amusement park.”

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My friend, the late dj and radio program director Jay Cook used to put a smile on his face as he turned on his mic.

And he sounded warm, friendly and got large audiences to listen and like him.

You may be the nicest person in the world but when anxiety sets in, you’re in a rush, involved in your cellphone, you don’t necessarily come off that way.

When we look at people we don’t know, we make a judgment about whether we like them, trust them, feel safe around them in a nanosecond.

Some look so sour they have that constipated look frozen on their face.

Try this today.

The next 10 people you see say, “I wish you well” to yourself as you make eye contact.  Watch what happens to them.

And be cognizant of what will happen to you — how it unlocks your goodness and kindness without ever having to say a word.

Yes, this works in a meeting.

It works in an airport terminal with people you don’t know.

And with family.

A smile may be a frown turned upside down but it is also your greatest ambassador.

No words can accomplish what a smile can do.

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Once a day, every day dedicate the same time to channel your inner gratitude.

Commuting to and from work.

Shaving (that’s my favorite).

Taking a run.

Before you say goodnight.

Who is that special person who would be happy for you if you got the promotion, got a raise and made more money than they did, had a happier outcome in a personal relationship – you get the idea – the one who would not want one penny if you won the lottery.

See the person in your mind’s eye.

Say why you are grateful for that person.

Even if you don’t get a chance to tell them over and over again, expressing gratitude silently.

Few of us wake up in the morning and say, “I feel too appreciated”.  Think about the people you care for most – and it can be the same people over and over for similar or different reasons – and take gratitude to a higher level.

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