Maybe our Instagram photos are not liked.

Or our ideas are dismissed at work meetings.

Perhaps friends or loved ones make us feel badly because they are not available to spend time with us.

Life is full of rejection.

Rejection can also trigger physical symptoms.  The same area of the brain that feels physical pain is the part that experiences the pain of rejection.  And, yes, Tylenol, for example reduces the pain of rejection in studies.

Pain of rejection can be relived more intensely than physical pain.

Rejection can increase our tendency toward anger and aggression.

It temporarily reduces our IQ.

I knew rejection was bad but I didn’t know it was this bad until I read the evidence from Guy Winch, PhD.

You can imagine what losing your job can do to the pain of rejection.

The best way to deal with rejection is to reject the shame associated with it.

Shame is the universal feeling that results from rejection.

Be on the lookout for shame and zap it before it zaps you.

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People who meet and interact with family and friends at least three times a week have far less depression than those who have only virtual contact.

That includes telephone, email or social media (University of Michigan study).

In other words, we crave in-person interaction but we’re getting less of it than ever.

As we say in Philadelphia, who don’t know that?

We don’t need a research study to be convinced that looking a person in the eyes and enjoying them in the present is medicinal.

So what’s the holdup?

Maybe a few ideas would help.

• No phones at mealtime – and adults are bigger offenders than children so be advised.
• It’s not how long you spend interacting with others.  It’s how long you are actually present in conversation.  Many people are put off because they don’t have the time for one-on-one interaction, but length of time does not matter.  Focus does.
• Add a new face every week.  Get to know someone – even if you never see them again.  Expand your world, give the gift of being present.

In the end, no one will ever wish they had spent more time on a digital device but they will regret the time lost living in the present with loved ones, friends and interesting people.

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60 percent of pedestrians are distracted when walking usually because of their cellphone.

These people – or should I say we – are populating emergency rooms because they are being hit by cars.

The number of pedestrians hit by vehicles while they are walking and talking or looking at their cellphones has grown six-fold.

Surprise:  half the injuries occurred to deadwalkers while walking and talking in their homes.

More than two-thirds of the injured are women.

Half were under 40.

77% of us think it’s okay to be a deadwalker according to a recent Pew study.

All of this gives me an opportunity to say our phones are devices that enhance our lives but when we let them take us out of the present more than just getting into an accident can occur.

We miss out on life.

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Choose a job you love.

If you’re not loving your present job and suffer from paralysis because you need an income to support your family, you will never be happy until you find your dream job.

The 85-yeat old Buffett worth almost $73 billion sure doesn’t need the work.

Buffet says, “I’m tap dancing to work every day. There’s nothing more exciting than to get there. It doesn’t get better than that.”

And here is how to take Warren Buffet’s advice.

Choose something you would do if you didn’t need the money.

Find what you love to do and get someone to pay you to do it.

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I was in New York last week looking forward to lunch and the waiter greeted us with “What can I do for you”.

I couldn’t resist shooting back “Tell me the meaning of life”.

And he said – without a moment’s hesitation – “To love and be loved”.

I jotted it on my phone.  I can remember that more than the meal I ate because not only is he right but if he is – many of us are in big trouble.

We’re too worried about making money.

Handling the stress in our lives.

Dealing with difficult people.

All the money in the world is meaningless if we cannot remember that we’re on this earth first and foremost to love and to be loved.

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Almost nothing is more detrimental to self-esteem than being fired, laid off or furloughed.

After all, we spend most of our time at work so when suddenly we’re out, we’re not exactly thinking how great it feels.

And this negative thinking has implications for finding our next opportunity.

• Your first thought should be – the most successful people on this planet were fired at least once!  (Write it down. Post it on the refrigerator so you will never forget).
• There is no shame in being fired unless something illegal has taken place.  Otherwise, keep the temptations to shame yourself out of it.  And it is not the place of others to have so much influence that they can shame us.
• Take time off to process what happened.  Thinking of only the bad ending is not fair to you.  Also remember all the good that you’ve done for the company.
• Nothing increases self-esteem like writing a new resume.  Do this as soon as you have a positive view of the future.
• There has been more firing since the great recession due to economic reasons and cutbacks.  This should not reflect negatively on you.
• See vividly in your mind’s eye as vividly as possible the next job you want and pursue that and only that.

My communications professor in college told parent’s night (of all times) that if your sons and daughters are not fired four or five times, they are not in the media business.

Even though the parents were aghast, the professor was correct.

What he failed to mention is that each firing had its positive purpose.

Losing one’s job can be transformative.

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There used to be a time when a presentation was like an oral book report.

You stand up, deliver it, and sit down.

Today’s audiences demand more authentic presentations that require a different approach.

• Avoid lecturing.  While lecturing has its academic benefits, younger audiences tune out.  Start every presentation with an off-the-cuff discussion of the benefits that participants are there to get.  If you’ve done your homework, you should have already isolated these areas.  Let them tell you what they want to learn.  Not the other way around.
• Allow interruptions and questions.  Any college professor will tell you that the more students weigh in – either with positives or negatives – the more the atmosphere for learning improves.
• I love this one.  I do it.  Ask each participant to quietly jot down the one thing they want to get out of the meeting.  Near the end of the presentation, ask them to look at their note and see if they are indeed getting that benefit.  If not, encourage them to tell you what you missed.
• Avoid PowerPoint.  Presenters like it.  Audiences hate it.  I use slides for pictures or videos only and then I make my notes available on Google Drive after the presentation.  But the notes are only available for a few days, which encourage participants to download them immediately after the meeting or miss out.
• Most important in communicating with today’s audiences – don’t try to sell them your point of view.  Most people are self-absorbed these days.  The job of the new age presenter is to navigate through subject matter that may be compelling to them – not dictate.
• Tell the group at the outset how long the presentation will be and tell them you intend to stick to it.   And then stick to it.  The mind can only absorb what the seat can endure.

Audiences dislike most presentations almost as much as presenters hate to put them together.

Presentations are an opportunity to activate many minds through new thinking instead of the best thinking of the presenter alone.

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Oscar Munoz who took over United Airlines in the middle of a scandal surrounding its former CEO had a heart attack last week.

He’s under a lot of pressure because he is not from the airline industry and the United/Continental merger didn’t go well on top of the political problems caused by the previous CEO.

Harald Krueger, BMW’s CEO, collapsed at the Frankfurt Motor Show roughly within the same time period because of stress.

It’s not just CEOs who feel the stress.

It’s everyone under them because the speed of the leader determines the speed of the pack.

Work stress is proliferating – a new plan is needed.

• Create a balanced schedule.  Determine how many meetings you can handle per day/week and stick to it.
• Put time buffers in between meetings and projects.  Avoid back-to-back events.
• Do only the 20% of your work that produces 80% of your productivity so to do to this you have to take time and ask “Is this the most productive use of my time at this point?”
• Delegate tasks where possible.  Perfectionists (like me) and control freaks have a hard time with this but no one can do it all — and do it well – without paying the price with their health.
• Put an immediate stop/loss on people who stress you out either through overwork or workplace conflict.  The more you consciously avoid buying into this, the less stress you absorb.
• Recognize stress before it makes you sick.  If you leave work beaten, tired and defeated, either step in and try some new things or don’t be surprised when this kind of stress catches up with you.
• Use a Fitbit, phone or Apple Watch to record 10,000 steps a day.  Exercise relieves stress.
• Try to leave earlier for work in the morning – the commute is often stressful and the wrong way to start a day.

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One of the great benefits of limiting our communication to Twitter length (140) characters is that it can make us more effective.

Some of the best words come when we are forced to sum it up.

Lamar Odom’s daughter Destiny tweeted: “Soon I’ll be by your side and I will never let go. I love you daddy” as he remained in a coma after a drug overdose.

Somehow we find it easier to sum it up in 140 characters than to say it from the heart.

Every editor knows that a manuscript gets better when it gets shorter.

So, some ideas worth considering:

• Say I love you in a tweet-sized comment that you say directly to another person.
• Appreciate someone by saying it as if you would tweet it. Example:  “You have worked late on this project every night. I appreciate you”.
• Include evidence with the praise. To say “Nice job” or “I love you” is not as meaningful as telling someone why it was a nice job or telling your children “After yesterdays 1k run for breast cancer, you remind me of another reason why I have exactly the (son or daughter) I always wanted”.
• Even anger is best said in tweet form in person: “I thought it was unfair for you to exclude me from that meeting” and leave it at that. Often the sentiment is more powerful when it is not burdened with a lot of other feelings that may not be relevant.

Most people say they are not communicators, but they are.

Check their social media.

Communicate like you tweet in person and it will be easier and more effective.

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• Forgiveness makes us less angry, lowers blood pressure and relieves unnecessary stress.
• It releases positive energy to devote to things and people who matter.
• Forgiveness is more for you than for the person you forgive.  The benefits of letting go of vitriol and animosity are felt the moment we forgive others for hurting us.
• If we fail to let go of our anger, it will hurt us a second time.  The first hurt was bad enough.
• Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting and it doesn’t mean we can’t feel and express appropriate anger.
• Bearing resentment hurts children – they can sense it and it makes them feel less safe and secure.
• As an added motivation, consider that there will be times when we need to be forgiven, too.
• Don’t forget to forgive yourself.  We deserve no less than we can give to others.

One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is to forgive others.

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Start the search for your next job when you are just hired for your present job.

It’s too late to look when you’re unhappy.

Decisions are often made with expedience.

Waiting too long is tantamount to discounting your own worth because you want to change jobs as soon as possible.

This is not to say we should get a good job and then right away consider leaving.

The sweet spot for making a better career move is when we’re happy with our job and not looking to change.

I like opting in.

Opt in six months later and that means the job you took today was everything it was represented to be.

When you keep choosing your present employment over wanting to end that employment and find a new job, you are in the strongest career and personal position possible.

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“You are who your dog thinks you are – kind, caring, and compassionate.  

“Your pet does not care about your financial net worth, job, health, fame, etc.  All it cares about is your love and your ability to express it. The loving you is the transcendental you that no one can rob”.

I love this quote from the Chair of the Mayo Clinic Mind Body Initiative, Dr. Amit Sood that asks us to assess ourselves through our pets’ eyes.

A pet loves unconditionally – do we?

A pet is loyal – is that a trait of ours?

A pet could care less what kind of bad day we had, can we say the same about people we love who are in our lives?

Money doesn’t impress – bones, petting and play do.

What a wonderful world this would be if we treated two legged animals with the caring and compassion in which we treat four legged animals.

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As a Dale Carnegie instructor, I would interact with fine people from all walks of life who had one thing in common.

They all wanted to be a better person.

So when certain modules in the course came up, students would commit to working on the human relations principles in hopes of being that person.

When a person committed to stop criticizing, condemning and complaining (a big Carnegie principle) in class, it would be received favorably by supportive family members and friends at home.

But faced with people who are negative and shaming, even the best intentions to improve get derailed.

Stop spending time with negative people.

And I know what you’re going to say, “but, Jerry what if that negative person is a spouse or a family member?”

My answer remains the same – step back, do not let them shame you or discourage you from being the person you want to be.

Sadly, those closest to us can sometimes be our worst enemy.

Rid your life of negative people by rejecting the shame that they try to make you feel for wanting to be all you can be.

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I saw recently that Los Angeles Kings General Manager Dean Lombardi is second-guessing himself over a key hockey player he acquired, Mike Richards.

Richards has been slacking off in his on-ice performance and now there are off-ice issues such as drug possession, which have led to Richards being dropped by the team.

Lombardi is beating himself up by saying he was sure that Richards was better than this and now he doesn’t trust his own instincts any more.

That’s what got my attention because we’ve all been there.

Second-guessing is a form of personal self-destruction when the best decision we could make at the time turns out not to be that good.

Who knew?

Who ever knows for sure?

Second-guessing serves no purpose.

Make your most honest instinct be good enough.

Listen to your inner self because more often than not that is good enough.

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What kind of hurtful world do we live in when supermodels are being shamed for being too fat and preventing skinnier models from having their chance to walk the runway?

It happened again when Gigi Hadid fought back by going to social media and confronting haters.

“No, I don’t have the same body type as the other models in the shows,” Hadid posted.  “I represent a body image that wasn’t accepted in high-fashion before … Saying, “Yes, I have abs, I have a butt, I have thighs, but I’m not asking for special treatment.”

She has worked for Chanel and Versace, not too shabby.

Mean comments won’t change her well-earned success if the haters’ comments are not taken to heart.

You don’t think of your mother as fat even if she is overweight.

You don’t think of your wife as chubby if she brought two of your children in the world and hasn’t lost her “baby weight”.

The definition of a beautiful body should never start with an insult from a mean or jealous person.

Gigi Hadid is not the first beautiful person to be called ugly.  Haters were all over Kendall Jenner for being too skinny in recent days.

No one gets to shame your body if you’ll stick up for it and love it as is.

Or as Gigi Hadid puts it:  “I hope everyone gets to a place in their life where they’d rather talk about the things that inspire them over the things that bring others down.”

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Oh, yes – here is the beautiful model Internet trolls would have you hate.

I once had a meeting with a satellite radio executive in the Faculty Club at USC when he pulled out not one but two phones and laid them on the table.

That’s before looking at a menu or starting a conversation.

Before sitting down.

Unfortunately the two phones turned out to be the default conversation.

He could see that I was discouraged and distracted so at one point he looked up and said, “What do you want me to do?”

I shot back, “Give me $15,000 for my student’s media project.”

He said okay and went back to the phones.

(I guess I shouldn’t complain but he was such an interesting person and yet I never got his full attention).

One of my friends told me he has a way to flush out people who refuse to stop looking at their phones when they are out to dinner.

He suggests they all put their phones face down in the middle of the table and the first one to check their phones before the meal ends up paying the check.

Stop sitting idly by when other’s rudely keep deviating from conversation to their digital devices.

I read an article recently where a teenage girl asked her father to dinner to talk to him.

But Dad couldn’t put the phone down even when she asked him to.

Finally she said, “I want to talk to you, dad, not your phone”.

So let me end with this well documented fact:  adults teach their children rude phone behavior.

How about setting a better example.

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Many people only know Yogi Berra through his famous Yogi-ism, but he was an outstanding baseball player for The New York Yankees playing in 14 World Series and winning ten times.

Berra died at 90 at his New Jersey home on September 22.

He had only an eighth grade education.

But it is his Yogi-isms that almost everyone knows.

When asked what time it was, he replied, “You mean now”.

“It ain’t over until it’s over” his way of describing a particularly hard baseball season.

“When you come to the fork in the road, take it” was attributed to Yogi but some are not sure.  Well, it doesn’t matter anyway.

Here’s who Yogi Berra is beyond the stats and quotes.

When unpredictable Yankees owner George Steinbrenner fired Berra a few games into a new season that was bad enough but it was the way that Berra was fired that got him.

Through a messenger!

Berra considered it an unforgivable example of rudeness and disrespect and refused to have anything to do with the Yankees until Steinbrenner apologized over a decade later in 1999.

Steinbrenner called firing Yogi Berra the worst mistake he ever made in baseball.

What an example Berra made of standing up for what’s right.

Turning away the accolades of others for all those lost years to stand on principle.

Yogi Berra received loud and sustained ovations at Yankee stadium after the Steinbrenner apology and his return to New York.

The right thing to do is not always easy but if we’re ever looking for courage, look no further than Yogi Berra.

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Bullying isn’t just directed at kids – although that is of epidemic proportion with the advent of social media.

Bullying happens big time at the workplace and in spite of attempts by a few companies to stop it, it creates unhappy employees in non-productive situations.

The Workplace Bullying Institute 2014 survey indicates that of those who felt they were targeted the overwhelming majority of people possessed positive attributes.

Nice people getting the brunt of bullying.

And the number one factor most responsible for bullying at work was not even the victim (that was number two).  It was something about the bully him or herself.

Something about the employer was third.

Adult bullies were either bullies as children or were bullied as children.

Report it.

Fight back.

Just like in the schoolyard, stand up to the bully and don’t back down.

Choose not to be the victim of bullying if you want it to stop.

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A reluctance to try new things.

Self-sabotage – procrastinating on goals.

Being a perfectionist only willing to do those things that can guarantee success.

Low self-confidence and destructive self-talk.

A lot has been said about overcoming fear but I find you can’t talk yourself into doing things with words alone.

It takes action steps.

Do the thing you fear to do and the fear will go away from you.

And build confidence.

And put an end to the anxiety that comes with fear.

If you fear to live life, you run the risk of losing life.

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I have been married three times.

I’ve heard all the jokes about being divorced twice – “Which ex are you talking about?”  Ha, Ha – not funny.

These were not marriages of long duration but enough time to have a child in each, which makes everyone connected forever.

My wife, Cheryl and I have been married for 17 years and going strong.

How is it that I could have been the wrong person for the first and second and been so right for the third?

I am basically the same person with a little growth, I hope.

I wrote a chapter on divorce in my book Out of Bad Comes Good – The Advantages of Disadvantages which ended with the statement “out of bad marriages come good people”.

Never let a broken relationship break you or your spirit. 

My mother was right (again) – there is someone for everyone.

“The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.” — Robert C Dodds

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