I’m not a big reunion buff, but the one I attended made me freak out.

Not because I didn’t want to see people many of whom I lost touch with but because I wanted to remember them the way we were when we were in school together.

Would you believe me when I say I can still hear the voice of my best friend who left us too early in life – I can see him in my mind and hear him as if he was sitting right in front of me.

In radio, program directors like I was play the hits over and over again but what makes them special beyond the sound and the words is where we heard the songs first, what they mean to us and how they make us feel now.

In life, the vivid images in our minds and the strong voices in our ears is a reunion of the soul – we play it once and then, like radio, replay it again and again.

Let’s be honest – kids are being weaponized to skip their childhood and adolescent years to fast forward into adulthood.

Along the way, we take Instagram pictures of them.

If Fred Rogers was alive, he’d be crashing his Trolley in the Neighborhood of Make Believe.

We need our childhood and we must channel our inner kid – that’s what’s so delightful about watching a toddler (pre-iPad) do silly things.

In radio and TV, we are virtually all children even when we grow up which leads me to what’s on my mind today.

In some ways don’t ever grow up – slow down, observe, interact, pursue fascination.

Take a different route to work or working from home, totally upend your routine.

Take time to talk to someone you have neglected that doesn’t have to do with work.

Find someone who needs you and make them laugh.

Make someone feel good about themselves for no reason other than you’d like someone to do the same thing to you.

Inner joy comes from interaction – let go and be yourself.

But becoming excellent is the secret to success.

Every “become rich” plan pales in comparison to those who vow to “become more skilled” at what they do.

Ironically, people think it’s the other way around.

If you get rich by accident or good fortune without developing superior skills, you’ll likely not be happy very long.

If you become the best at what you do, you win twice.

Once, because you’re putting yourself in a position to succeed financially as well.

But also, you get rich on happiness which is not for sale at any price.

It is just as important to make a life as it is to make a living.

Pursuing financial and career success isn’t likely to work without a passion for mastering the skills it takes first to be excellent.

This is on the rise – we simply have less confidence than we once did.

Fearing failure is being afraid to play the game.

The one sure way to fail is to think about it.

A tennis pro who thinks about losing is going to lose.

A team that expects to get beaten will.

A person who doubts themselves for even a nanosecond is betting against themselves even before they begin.

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure” – Paulo Coelho

Dealing with problems is not a feeling, you choose to do it.

Smokers quit not because they have a feeling that they should, but because they choose to resist the unhealthy pleasure.

Confidence in yourself is never a feeling – you don’t feel confidence first, you choose to believe in yourself and confidence follows.

An alcoholic doesn’t wait to feel like recovering, they choose to pay the price to stop drinking rather than pay the price for continued drinking.

Faith is a choice not a feeling – and faith is something that matters to you and is the only antidote for fear.

Faith over fear.

You don’t wait for the feeling to come over you before you choose the better path.

The choice comes first.

Feelings are a residue.

We choose with our heads and feel with our hearts.

And if you make the right choices and stick to them, good feelings result.

It used to be Coca-Cola – one of the most memorable slogans of all time but today “the pause that refreshes” would be just as meaningful focused on mental health.

Tennis star Naomi Osaka, still struggling with anxiety, made a memorable description of the state of her mental health:

“I feel like for me recently, when I win, I don’t feel happy; I feel more like a relief,” she said. “And then when I lose, I feel very sad.”

Time out is needed to recover, rest and heal as tennis great Billie Jean King puts it.

We listen to our body when it is hurt.

Now we must also listen to our mind.

Procrastination is mood avoidance not task avoidance – avoid the task, avoid the bad mood.

But even that catches up with us – college students who chill out during their first semester, pay for it with increased anxiety in the second according to research.

The future is nice but it isn’t a powerful motivator to take on the business at hand in a timely way.

The answer:

• Make what you’re putting off feel more comfortable.
• See the future as a road map to making things better than the present.

I like to look at life like sports.

You don’t show up not to play.

You never start the game thinking you will lose or you absolutely will.

You can’t win ‘em all so you try to win as many as you can.

Sometimes one thing helps you win not everything.

Even in losing, you can get better.

No matter how much you’re down, you play until the end.

This is what we do in sports but we can also do it in life.

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Why are we always so optimistic about winning the lottery and so pessimistic about solving our health, relationship, personal and work problems?

It makes no sense.

You have virtually no chance of hitting it big in the lottery – but you already know that – and yet you have so much hope that you’re even willing to bet money on that slight chance.

It’s hope against the odds.

How would our lives change for the better if we could channel the type of blind and automatic optimism we have that we will win the lottery and bet on ourselves in the same hopeful way.

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Ever wonder why anxiety builds up as the day goes on?

We are human sponges soaking up the fears and worries of those we are connected to and making it ours.

The relief from being a sponge soaking up anxiety of others is to EXPUNGE these stressors.

Erase.

Remove.

It’s difficult enough to deal with our own negativity let alone taking on those of others.

Ban the negativity that brings you down by putting a stop/loss on the anxieties of those we are connected to.

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Loud people are more commanding, more assertive, more successful.

Wrong.

A recent Wall Street Journal piece says “Research shows that we are overconfident in our beliefs but underconfident about being heard.  So, we compensate by being loud.”

Soft spoken people are among the most riveting public speakers.

Yet loud people and shouters feel they have an abundance of confidence while the quiet and often shy see their soft-spokenness as a distinct disadvantage.

Especially true in social situations.

The trick is not to be loud or quiet but to be yourself – the real measure of inner-confidence.

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In jealousy there is more self-love than love (Francois VI, 1665)

Unfortunately, it is always destructive.

If we can go on a low carb diet, we can go on a jealousy diet.

In my book, Out of Bad Comes Good – The Advantages of Disadvantages – 5 steps can make a difference.

#1  Let go of the fear that you don’t have value

#2  Repeat often:  “jealousy hurts me more than it hurts them”

#3  Count jealousies like calories – make a list of people of whom you are jealous

#4  Focus on your accomplishments

#5  Make amends for jealous behavior

Our success is not assured by someone else’s failure.

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It seems like every time I go to Costco, someone makes me feel better.

Costco workers largely love their jobs, benefits and how they are treated by management.

They feel fortunate to have their jobs which is why few of them are quitting even though so many people are using the pandemic to look for something else.

I needed help putting nitrogen in the tires of my SUV and not only did I get it but learned a few things I didn’t know.

As is store policy, the employee wouldn’t take a tip because I wanted to pay him for making my day brighter.

Even in tough times, one happy person can make a difference.

The morning host on the radio or the supervisor for whom you work.

No matter how bad things get, positive people who are happy with where they are in life can lift others up.

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When you are hell bent to accomplish the most important goal of your life, be careful.

It’s easy to see that goal so much that you miss current opportunities to climb the ladder to success.

It’s the challenge that presents itself now that is the most important goal.

Conquer that and the next one comes along.

Passionately chasing future goals is ambition.

Pursuing the chances you have right now – these are the steps toward the big one.

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“But enough about me, let’s talk about you… what do you think of me?” – Bette Midler in Beaches: The Movie

How many people have asked about you today and, if they did, actually listened?

I thought of this in the last few days when I was asked a question and when I went to answer, the questioner answered it for me – not uncommon for our over-connected world.

The awesome power of listening is available to us as soon as this very day to unlock the humanity in others – to show you care, to make them addicted to being with you.

Talking in terms of the other person’s interest is what makes you a leader, a compelling figure and even a good conversationalist.

Dale Carnegie pointed out in How to Win Friends that ironically you have a better chance of being perceived as a good conversationalist by not talking so much and instead asking questions.

Close this email, and try it – let me know.

It’s hard to ask people to believe in us when we don’t believe in ourselves.

That’s how critical self-confidence is.

And the thing about believing is that it is not a warm and fuzzy feeling, it’s a cold, hard decision.

You decide – this is worth 100% of my personal investment.

Athletes are trained and coached to believe they can accomplish personal and team goals.

The least surprised person in the room when you achieve your goal should be you.

Everyone else is invited to buy in later.

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20% of workers in the private sector do not have paid vacation according to the Department of Labor.

More than half of us do not use all our paid time off according to an Ipsos/Oxford survey because it is seen as career threatening.

While pauses help, disconnection is the better.

Get away from email, Slack and being moments from being drawn back into work.

The restorative benefits of vacationing last only 2-4 weeks after returning to work.

Some companies are shutting down completely for periods of time so as to help workers totally disconnect.

Hard work is not the virtue it used to be in a world where we cannot easily disconnect.

Take all the time you can.

Leave work behind and disconnect from mail and social media.

Return by slowly resuming a full schedule.

NOTE:  Cheryl and I are going to take a few days off to recharge our batteries before NYU resumes in-person classes again in a few weeks and the media industry revs up to end a challenging year.  This seemed like a good time.  See you in a few days — Monday August 23.

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Between 2012 and 2019, the rates for teenage depression, loneliness, suicide and self-harm rose sharply.

Then the isolation of the pandemic with those born after 1996 feeling it the most.

NYU Professor Jonathan Haidt and San Diego State professor Jean Twenge have a tough love answer few will like but apparently everyone will need – this is directed toward kids but easily applies to adults who are feeling the anxiety.

Take long periods each day away from the distraction of digital devices.

Concentrate on not just being present but being fully focused for long periods of time.

Be cautious of social media, the great attention black hole for adults as well.

There are consequences to too much screen time and parents are as reluctant to come down hard on their kids to balance reality with virtual reality as they are to abide by the same steps themselves.

There is a tie-in between smartphones and the anxiety of distraction and fear of missing out.

Switch back to in-person socialization – read The Smartphone Trap here.

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Now we hear that employees who prefer or need to work from home may face a type of bias that could leave them behind.

In one study, the at-home workers were half as likely as their office counterparts to get a promotion – and promotions often mean raises so there is a hidden economic danger.

By the way, that was true even though the remote workers were 13% more productive making more calls per minute in their travel agency jobs and taking fewer breaks.

As we return to work, remote bias is a challenge that will have to be faced.

Virtual facetime will be even more important.

Finding ways to be present in person may be helpful.

To avoid the stress that will surely come from working at home at a disadvantage to those returning to the office, a plan to compensate for distance by making yourself more familiar is a sensible step.

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Being in the wrong headspace is a bad time for taking on challenges.

It’s better to listen to yourself and step back.

That’s what Simone Biles did in the Olympics – she battled inner voices that robbed her of her usual confidence and knew enough to take a time out.

Same for the rest of us.

Handling problems at work or personal pow-wows are not worth the mistakes that could be made by not being fully mentally available to participate.

This is an advantage not a shortcoming.

Former Olympic athlete Shannon Miller nailed it:

“We have to pay close attention to ourselves to notice those clues that something doesn’t quite feel right, and then take appropriate action to get the care and support we need.”

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